Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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