you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
