I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
