Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
