His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
