there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I need water and some morals
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