if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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