I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He passed out mid-signature
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
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