omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
