real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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