I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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