And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
