I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That's how pantless uber rides happen