just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.