This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life