i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
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i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
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this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole