im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
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And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
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I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.