Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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