you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend