Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Actions speak louder than pants.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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