He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
