Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
