Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
