i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm both gender and math confused
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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