What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
