I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
