She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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