I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
