Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
