i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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