So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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