Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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