And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
