I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
