okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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