If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I want a musical about memes.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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