I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
