I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm just crazy horny about you
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
