Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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