who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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