Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
