New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
