whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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