I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
