I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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