i think my mom watched the whole time
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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