You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Too much gin, very little bucket
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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