I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
