so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
They have beer where we have blood.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
