Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
