Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Randomize
