her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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