White coat. Heels.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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