I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
