he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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