So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
being pregnant is like rehab
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
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