If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
