Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
