And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
