God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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