I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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