She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
