I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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