Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
