3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
