this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
