White coat. Heels.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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