I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
