It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
