I am puke
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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