So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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