Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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