normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
