ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
