He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
