Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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