Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
