omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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