Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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